Dennis Guyvan, Life Coach in Chicago IL , Denver CO and Online Worldwide
SELF-ESTEEM & CONFIDENCE COACHING
You might be:
Worrying about what other people think about you
Feeling like a not good enough professional or person?
Feeling good about yourself only when you are making, doing, or saying something cool.
Thinking and knowing that you are smart, yet feeling like you would be exposed or called out on saying/doing something stupid
Struggling with perfectionism
Feeling like you are worse than others
Thinking that you do not have what it takes to achieve your goals
If you answered yes to some of those questions, you are not alone. A lot of my clients have/had similar experiences.I have been there too.
I also know that there is a high chance that you have been tying your self-esteem and self-confidence to the wrong thing subconsciously, and it is not your fault. Society constantly sends us weird messages about confidence and self-worth. They give a lot of attention and praise to people who “win,” which sends us the message that we should reward ourselves only when we win. So it is very easy to tie self-esteem and confidence to some type of result or success, which can be quite destructive.
Confidence is not a blind belief in success. Confidence is a comfort with the possibility of failure.
At times you might be saying to yourself when I succeed; then I will feel good about myself. I know this one too. The problem is that there is always going to be someone who has more skills than you. So you will always end up feeling not good enough if you stick to this mindset. This perspective makes your self-worth and self-esteem very fragile. On top of that, it takes a lot of energy to get to the top, so rewarding yourself only during the moments of success takes away most of the fuel needed to get to the peak. So it becomes super difficult to get there.
Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.
First of all, I want to say that you are already enough. You are worthy of life no matter where you are on your journey.
Secondly, your confidence can be built if you create a reward system that serves you and empowers you to take action yet makes your journey fun. For example, tying your self-confidence to being an explorer or a learner who takes action makes your self-confidence and self-esteem strong, not fragile. All of a sudden, you can take wins and losses, and you look at them as learnings. It is a subtle perspective shift that makes all the difference.
It takes some work to embody this perspective/identity. It takes time and effort to:
to get some clarity around your interests;
to turn your interest into a passion;
to set a reward system that works for you and not against you,
to define your purpose
to get clear about the skills you need to achieve your goal
to learn and support your nervous system along the way.
I am here to support you on this journey. Making this leap on your own can be quite overwhelming.
I also want to mention that there is a lot of controversy in the field of coaching too. It is really easy to get a coaching certificate nowadays after just a few hours of online training, yet it takes years of training and practice to get good at it.
There are a lot of coaches who try to boost self-confidence and self-esteem by making you recognize your past successes. While it might be helpful short term- this approach will not last long because the approach doesn’t address the deeper layers. There is a need to go deeper to tap into real confidence as well as real self-esteem.
There are also coaches who “guilt trip” people by saying they don’t want success bad enough. The reality is that it is difficult for you to keep moving forward because you do not have a sustainable feedback system since you only reward yourself for the moments of success and therefore do not have enough energy to keep moving forward.
Some coaches can force you to do what you fear the most right away, which would make you even more anxious and even "freeze up" if there is no shift in the mindset beforehand. Only pushing yourself forward will often lead to emotional exhaustion/burnout.
My approach goes deeper into the operating system while making sure that you move forward toward the goals that feel important to you. I am taking my job very seriously, and I have spent more than ten years studying psychology, completed 2 one-year-long coaching programs, as well as 2 years of a graduate program in psychotherapy. I have been providing coaching for over four years at this moment.
I have seen enough clients to say that I know that you can feel good about yourself on the way to your goals. I believe in you. I know that you can have the confidence, energy, and enthusiasm to achieve the goals you want. I believe that your journey can be joyful, fun, and full of adventure.
If this information resonates with you, schedule a 30-minute consultation to see if we are a good fit.